When Do You Stop Loving Someone?

(Written August 1, 2005 *The Bonnie and Clyde Relationship*)

The answer is NEVER. Just like any form of energy, love doesn’t disappear. It changes form, but it can never destroyed. Once you love someone, it is impossible to stop loving that person. Sometimes, it is only masked by hatred to make separation easier.

I fell in love with this person. And, even though I have so many reasons to hate him, I know that I never will. Those reasons incite my fury against him. But, a lot of fond memories awaken my love for him. The most special memory would be the first time he said, "I love you."

I would also be reminded by the most trivial things like rain falls, walks around the campus, gas stations, convenient stores, the entrance to his street, certain drinks, the smell of cigarettes, a pack of Marlboro reds, a game of Generals, Lilo and Stitch, Bonnie and Clyde, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Kill Bill, imprints of palms, the wall beside my bed, a lonely knife, articles about ligers and tigons, documentaries about tanks… It may sound silly but I bet a lot of you can relate to this.

A lot of people may say that I am being masochistic and I am only hurting myself by thinking this way. But, I realized that I can’t help remembering these things. And, what really hurts is forcing myself to not think of such memories or looking at these memories with regrets. And then, I changed my perspective. These memories are the happiest ones that we had in our utterly disturbed relationship. And, now, instead of making me cry, they make me smile.

I may love these memories. I may enjoy looking back to these memories. But, I know that these memories belong in the past. Because, right now, such memories cannot be created. The situation we have somehow found ourselves in is just too bleak to create fond memories. The only memories that would be created by staying together are hurtful ones, invoking more reasons to hate each other and creating more room for regret. Perhaps, new memories maybe created in the future when everything is renewed… Perhaps…

As of now, all I know is that I will always open my door for opportunity when it knocks but it does not mean that I will spend my life waiting by the door for opportunity’s knock… Life is too short for waiting…