The most important foundation of love is trust. The existence of reliability, loyalty and sincerity depends on the virtue of trust. A partner cannot be reliable if his presence during times of need is doubted. A partner cannot be loyal if his actions are always met with suspicion. A partner cannot be sincere if his words are considered with doubt. And, in such conditions, love cannot exist because it is not allowed to exist.
Avocations of love become lies. Loving gestures become laiden with motives. And, any form of commitment is immediately broken by the slightest mistake. Nothing is right. Everything is all wrong. "Yeah, right" becomes the automatic reply to "I love you". "I wish" follows the words, "You’re the only one I love…"
Where does such a tedious relationship lead? It leads to failure. I thought the outcome could be changed. But, I was wrong. Nothing I do will change a person’s choice. He chose to believe that there was no love. Whatever his reasons were, he never believed that I love him. And, I wore myself out trying to prove it. Unfortunately, my efforts were nevery acknowledged. And, I ended up restricting and changing so much of myself just to fit his expectations. Until one day, I couldn’t recognize myself anymore.
And, when I was no longer myself, I made myself subject to more emotional battery. My attempts to be perfect for him were in vain. He didn’t value me more. Instead, it made him take me for granted. He’ll put me aside or pick me up whenever it pleases him. The relationship was like a sand castle that eroded each time a wave passes by. It was unstable. And, I found myself putting the blame on myself just to rebuild it.
Finally, I woke up and realized my folly. I realized that he has stopped living up to the man I fell in love with. He was no longer the man who made me laugh or made me feel so precious. The voice that used to tell me that I am better than I think I am has faded away. Instead, all I can hear now is a voice that calls me stupid, ignorant and worthless. The eyes that once looked at me with so much love are now polluted with stupor and drunkeness. The warm shoulder I used to frequent now seems so out of reach. The kind gestures that I used to rely on have changed to demands. It was then I realized that I have lost all hope of being loved by this man. He loves me no more. Perhaps he never did. I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t feel loved anymore. My hope disappeared with my trust even if my love remained.
Unfortunately, two hearts must beat as one in order to establish a relationship. And, if only one heart is a believer in love and fights for it, it fights in vain… A man who has never truly known love will never be able to see it…
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